I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Since childhood, my stepfather harassed me, he did not rape me, but did all sorts of other sexual things. Mom was not very interested in me, shifted the care of my younger brother to me.
I started drinking hard liquor early. And then left home and began to live with a drug addict. Gradually, I started to use drugs myself.
I tried to break up with that guy, return home, but there is again my stepfather with his harassment. I changed drugs, learned to cook them myself, did robberies and got four convictions. At 23, I gave birth to a daughter and was able to take a year off for breastfeeding. But when the child was one year old, I again left home to use, as I always did. I got married. My husband and I used it together. He died, and I was hospitalized in a serious condition. My body was rotting alive.
Having come to my senses a little, I met a doctor, who six months later, when I was discharged, began to sell me morphine. It is a cleaner drug, as the dealer said. I wanted not to feel pain because of the death of my husband, my mother also died at that time – I used a lot.
A month and a half later, an accident happened: I was run over by a car and immediately ran over by a bus. The doctors thought I would not survive. I spent three months in a coma.
When I regained consciousness, my stepfather visited me and told me that my daughter had been taken from home under guardianship. I returned home in a wheelchair and could hardly speak. My stepfather drank and did nothing to help me, only said: “When will you die?”
I realized that I needed to find the strength to take care of myself again and, if possible, take my daughter back. I did the exercises and started walking on four crutches. I worked with a speech therapist who taught me to speak again. I visited a narcologist and got tested, hoping to get my child.
At the narcological clinic I was told about Narcotics Anonymous. I went to groups …
But the issue with my daughter was resolved: I was not deprived of my rights – I relaxed and used it again. It was already a new drug, I hardly stopped after nine months. By that time, I again had problems with the law, house arrest and an electronic bracelet for control.
The daughter was taken away again. I did everything that the guardianship said: paid off the debt for utilities, made repairs on my invalid pension. But the child was not given back.
If you look at the situation honestly, the child really could not live with me. The stepfather drank, yelled, defecated on the floor. This apartment was clearly not a suitable place for a child. My daughter was taken to another family. I have gained patience and humility. Started going to Narcotics Anonymous groups again. Although sometimes I could not move, my bones ached, because after the accident I was collected in parts, but new friends from the Community helped me get to the meeting, they were there.
In a sober life, I got married again. I hadn’t hoped for it. They managed to evict their stepfather, who sold the land and drank and raged on the proceeds. I think I even did him good with this: he got out of the insane drunkenness and spent money on his housing.
I found a job through new friends from groups – collecting paintings. I like this job and like the new sober life. I am grateful to Narcotics Anonymous.
