The use of drugs led me to complete ruin. Problems in society, in the family, at work, and most importantly – fear of life and responsibility. The two years I’ve been using have become the “before and after” dividing line. I did not lie in drug treatment clinics, but I had one last warning: if I use it again, then my husband is filing for divorce and deprivation of my maternal rights. On February 2, 2020, I was at home with a child, my husband was at work.
By this day, I had been drug-free for three months, kept on my teeth. On this day, my roof was rolling, I heard rustles, voices, it seemed to me that someone was watching me. I was terrified, completely desperate. On this day, for the first time in two years, I made my own decision: either now I will find help on the Internet, or I spit on everything and go buy the substance. Google gave me a lot of information about rehabilitation centers, addresses of drug dispensaries, but all this did not suit me. In one of the articles, I came across a link to the NA in social media.
I followed this link and wrote to them. The NA guy answered literally within 15 minutes, and we agreed to call. I felt fear, uncertainty, mistrust, but I needed to talk to someone. He talked about NA, about groups: both “live” and online. We talked with him for a very long time, and after that he sent me a link to the schedule of online groups. I downloaded Zoom for myself, studied the schedule and went to the group whose name I liked.
During the meeting, I felt fear, confusion, mistrust, I did not understand what was happening and what they were talking about, but at the same time I felt somehow warm, comfortable, I found myself in a friendly atmosphere. When the group ended, I talked with addicts, they added me to the chats and told me about the program, about the 12 Steps – all this happened with such warmth and sincerity that I just could not believe that this happens. I started attending online groups regularly and found a mentor in the 12 Steps of NA. I’ve had relapses since joining the program.
But online groups and the NA community always give me a helping hand, support, and most importantly, they accept me for who I am. NA meetings allow me to listen to the experience of others, to hear useful things for myself, to share my experiences. This is not only support for not using, but also opportunities for growth and development. I remember how I came to the community as a frightened, insecure drug addict who forgot how to trust people, did not know how to live and appreciate every moment of life. And now, thanks to online groups, I am learning to accept life as it is.
These meetings give me almost all the answers to my questions, give me help – and I learn to accept it and learn to apply it in life. If it weren’t for that first online group, I would have continued to suffer from drug addiction. That is what gave me the impetus to start life in a new way. I am alive, I am living without using. I do not have the opportunity to attend live groups, and I am grateful to the people who organized these meetings online for my new life!
